Valentine's Day and then some...

THIS (plus some candy...that I have already consumed) is what came to school for me on Valentine's day. I can't begin to tell you how excited I was. Of course no one got to see them because it was toward the end of the day...but that's ok...because I told EVERYONE who would listen (lol).

Ok, enough of the mushy stuff...

The indoor season is finally coming to a close...I swear it feels like my girls have been running for FOREVER! We're on meet number 7 I believe and it's starting to show in their running. Hell I'm even tired because I'm used to a 4 meet indoor season. I hear that indoor is longer here because of the weather for outdoor is usually pretty sucky so the outdoor season is considerably shorter.

Once again I've become a grade A procrastinator. Today we had another random holiday and of course I did nothing productive in the school area. Instead I slept...and played the domestic role for the afternoon (cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc). Sigh...yeah I'll pay for it next week when my two papers are due and I'm still trying to catch up on my sleep from our trip to Maine this weekend...oh well.

For about 4 days we had a glimpse of warm (50 degrees...New England warm) weather and I was ecstatic. And then today about lunch time it starts to snow again. I'm like are you freakin' kidding...this is so not ok. All I want to do is go for a jog in a sports bra and tights...That way I can get some sun and exercise all at the same time.

I think I'm coming out of my mini-depression. I still get a little snappy with people from time to time but I learning how to make that go away. I've met some very interesting and distinguished students and faculty of color over the past week. I'm always so caged up in the gym that I never even realized that there is world on the other side of campus. It's been nice to just get away. I still feel like I have a lot going on right now...but I'm managing...just ready for Spring Break now!

***This week I'm grateful for:
-my sis Mem
-Felicia's apartment (and Felicia as well)
-Val's post card
-being one of Toy's angels :-)
-my fam (I got like 8 phone calls in one week)
-HIM (for making this the BEST valentine's day WEEK ever)

Wow...what a week!

Conversation between my advisor and myself:

Jane: Have you been eating?
Me: yeah of course.
Jane: you look like you are disappearing right in front of me. you need to make sure you get something to eat.
Me: Jane. no, I have been eating. It's actually rare that I miss meals, even if I am feeling bad.
Jane: Yeah...you need to eat. You just look bad.

WOW! So if I was gutsy enough to put up a picture of how I look right now, you would see what she means. I look like an evaporated ghost (if that even exists). I'm just so tired, so emotionally drained...and I think I've experience the worst 2 weeks since I moved to MA. Good thing is...I actually got the main problem resolved...but even in its resolution I still am somewhat unhappy because I should not have had to go through such a dramatic process. I'm not going to take the discrimination route although everyone in my program sees in that way. Honestly I know I'm black. I know I'm the only person in my program who's black. The only black assistant coach...and one of 3 blacks in the entire ESS and athletic department staff. The color of my skin is evident to me and has been since the day I walked into Smith College. Every time we have race related conversation in class, everyone looks to me to get the 'ok' in order to touch on the subject. Massachusetts is considerably more liberal than Texas, and it makes me so sad that racism and sexism still exist in today's society. But with all that said...I'm going to look at the situation that I experienced the last two weeks as me just getting "picked on." Not because of the color of my skin...or my gender...but because I was the most ready and available target. When I chose to move here, I made my move on nothing more than a leap of faith. I knew what I was getting myself into...and I chose to stay. Some days have been better than others and while the last week has me looking like a pale skeleton, I'm just going to take it as a lesson learned and nothing more. I often feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, and my little arms are far from fit enough to do such a thing. So to hell with the little stuff...I have the future to look forward to...

This week I'm grateful for:
-Jane and Chris (They totally went to bat for me...can't say enough about it)
-Felicia (it's nice to have someone to rant to from time to time)
-Carla (she's been on my side since day 1)
-HIM (words can't express...)
-Fums (still inspiring me like no other)
-Val (those random msgs make my day)
-Facebook (lol...where would I be without its wealth of knowledge)