Wow...what a week!

Conversation between my advisor and myself:

Jane: Have you been eating?
Me: yeah of course.
Jane: you look like you are disappearing right in front of me. you need to make sure you get something to eat.
Me: Jane. no, I have been eating. It's actually rare that I miss meals, even if I am feeling bad.
Jane: Yeah...you need to eat. You just look bad.

WOW! So if I was gutsy enough to put up a picture of how I look right now, you would see what she means. I look like an evaporated ghost (if that even exists). I'm just so tired, so emotionally drained...and I think I've experience the worst 2 weeks since I moved to MA. Good thing is...I actually got the main problem resolved...but even in its resolution I still am somewhat unhappy because I should not have had to go through such a dramatic process. I'm not going to take the discrimination route although everyone in my program sees in that way. Honestly I know I'm black. I know I'm the only person in my program who's black. The only black assistant coach...and one of 3 blacks in the entire ESS and athletic department staff. The color of my skin is evident to me and has been since the day I walked into Smith College. Every time we have race related conversation in class, everyone looks to me to get the 'ok' in order to touch on the subject. Massachusetts is considerably more liberal than Texas, and it makes me so sad that racism and sexism still exist in today's society. But with all that said...I'm going to look at the situation that I experienced the last two weeks as me just getting "picked on." Not because of the color of my skin...or my gender...but because I was the most ready and available target. When I chose to move here, I made my move on nothing more than a leap of faith. I knew what I was getting myself into...and I chose to stay. Some days have been better than others and while the last week has me looking like a pale skeleton, I'm just going to take it as a lesson learned and nothing more. I often feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, and my little arms are far from fit enough to do such a thing. So to hell with the little stuff...I have the future to look forward to...

This week I'm grateful for:
-Jane and Chris (They totally went to bat for me...can't say enough about it)
-Felicia (it's nice to have someone to rant to from time to time)
-Carla (she's been on my side since day 1)
-HIM (words can't express...)
-Fums (still inspiring me like no other)
-Val (those random msgs make my day)
-Facebook (lol...where would I be without its wealth of knowledge)